I am sad again. If you could feel my pain, you would know what terrible things have happened to me. I am not ungrateful but just tired. Sometimes I lose the will to live.
There’s so much emotional pain. People keep making me feel bad about myself like all that’s happen to me is my fault, like I caused it. I didn’t. I am struggling here to make myself better, how could I have caused it? How could it be my fault?
These questions play in my head in rewind. I can’t stop them. I can’t control them. But one thing I have learned in the middle of the chaos is that sometimes somethings are out of your hands and you can’t change the situation.
You can’t switch on the good side. But one thing you can do is to learn to face evil in it’s eye.
Become courageous and give yourself the honest truth. The bitter truth. Like “that’s how my life is, and it’s not going to change. But you know what, I don’t care. I am going to live my life to the fullest whether or not things are on my side.” Yes, that’s what we have to learn to do. That’s what I learned to do.
There’s chaos out there. Bad things spread like good things should. Good things are rare. Truth is rare. People hide from it and find pleasure in making chaos. The best thing we can do is not become a part of the chaos ourselves. That is the real deal. To prevent yourself from doing what others do to you.
That is a struggle. That is something difficult. When I tried doing that for the first time. I found myself questioning me “Are you sure about this? You think this will work? Who do you think you are?”. Those questions are nothing but pointless doubts. We all have them.
I learned not to be afraid of them. So should all of us, or we will become a part of the chaos. We will become one of the cowards. The worst kind of people. All I mean to say is, don’t follow the wind. Be different, go against it like I did. Don’t give in to the chaos.
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