The Moment I Decided To Change (Journal).

“Haven’t we had enough?” I asked my inner voice. It was screaming again. I do mistakes, all sorts of it, and I find my inner voice yelling at me. I said “we have had enough!” I argued with it and it spoke back to me, “then leave it, stop doing this to yourself. You can do so much better” so since that moment in my life, I have changed.

I was falling from Grace from the pain that other people had caused me. But then I made another choice, I decided not to become the person people want to make me.

I decided to become

***A person of my own***

I had enough of the suffering, anxiety, guilt and pain. So atlas! I decided to let it go. I decided it was time to change. I gave up on evil and straightaway became a better person.

It wasn’t easy. Everytime you left something bad, life felt difficult. It’s like that side of me was a drug. If I left it, I would long for it more and more till the time I finally had it. But despite all the things I had seen and places I had been, there was a hope of light gleaming in the dark.

It was like this one candle amongst all the darkness, surrounding me from all sides. I held on to it. I slowly developed a burning desire for good within me. I realized, no matter how hard I hit the ground, I could not stay on it. I was meant to be a good human being. I was meant to do good to this world.

While people are out there ready to do anything for money, property, love and fame; Here I am striving against my own self to do good, the best of it I can do. Call me a freak, call me strange or call me weak, it won’t change anything.

I have turned into a good person, if you hit me with the hardest rock you can find, I will come out with much more goodness. It’s the only thing nobody can take away from me. It’s the only thing permanent in my life.

The light grew and lighted up my world, now I can light others worlds. My drug is still there somewhere, waiting to be fed but I don’t let it out. I have kept it in and I hope that someday I will be able to get completely rid of it. But I know I can’t. I don’t want to give up hope. I still expect with the same belief I did before and I always will.

I am addicted to work. I have to be. The circumstances are such that I have to keep myself busy, or the light starts to fade. It gets darker and darker. I have to hold on to the light and find a way to lighten up my world. The darkness is a part of my soul. I have to keep myself from becoming one with it.

I keep it away but I know the mistakes won’t stop. So I have changed my mind, it finds the rainbow in the middle of the rain. A storm full of darkness and thunder. I get wet but I know it’s worth it.

Life can become wonderful if you learn through the pain and celebrate little moments of happiness. It’s the little things that makes the most out of life.

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