I am upset. Sometimes the days feel too long. I feel suicidal. But I am not a coward, so I keep living. I keep doing all the good things that I can do before it’s too late. Since the time I made the promise to do good and give up on evil, I have never disappointed.
I have taught myself to not believe all the things I hear, I feel, I see, I know. There is so much to things that I know. I can never completely understand those things because I don’t know the future. I know only my side of the opinions and perspective. There’s so much more to know that I can never know, there’s too much. So I close my eyes and tell myself that there’s more to this than I feel right now.
It’s true. Feeling the things I have felt has made me realize things. That people at my age can’t imagine. Both good and bad things. I know you might feel like everyone goes through that. Honestly, everyone’s suffering is so different from each other. We react so differently. That cannot be said to anyone.
I feel much better than morning. I will maybe get used to feeling like this. Maybe it will become normal for me.
It could have been worse, I have said to myself a billion times. I could not have my books, education, money, home, food. I have them. And I should be much more grateful. I know sadness is a part of this disease and a part of everyone’s life. I have to keep going.
Problems feel big because we are in it and we can’t see anything further. We need to come out of the box and keep going further. Looking back you will realize it was so small.
Thought of the day- Holes get big if you dig in them. Try digging some place else.
Thanks and bye.